I, like many other hundreds of Sri Chinmoy’s students, am one of those who Sri Chinmoy never really spoke to.   I was briefed on the reality of this situation the first time I attended Celebrations - occasions when disciples from all over the world came to New York spend time with Sri Chinmoy – that it was impossible for Sri Chinmoy to converse outwardly with each and every single one  of us, and  that it was not even necessary - the inner connection between Master and Disciple is the most important thing, and the connection that will transcend life and death. 

I was okay with this, but at the same time, as things grew on, and I felt the connection between myself and my teacher growing, I just wanted Guru (students of Sri Chinmoy often called him by this name) to acknowledge me outwardly.*

Maybe the third time I went to New York, it was a smaller celebrations at a quieter time of year and which was attended by fewer disciples.  I decided that this was the ideal time for Guru to say something to me.  With so fewer people around, surely!  A couple of days went by, nothing, nothing.  I was having a great time but my mind kept up it’s griping.  Does Guru care about me?  Does Guru even know who I am?  Why doesn’t Guru talk to me? Am I a nobody here?  DO I EVEN COUNT?  And then, when I was in the line for Prasad (food which has been blessed), Guru looked straight at me with a beautiful, welcoming smile on his face and nodded his head.  It was very much an expression of greeting.  Hello, how are you, it is so nice you are here. 

I was shocked.  Guru had totally acknowledged me.  I’d griped, I’d moaned, and Guru had responded.  And how do you think I felt? 

Pretty silly  It took me a few minutes to recover and  realise I did not need this, it did nothing for me spiritually, but sweet, kind Guru had very compassionately resolved what was going on in my mind.  How embarrassing!  I committed myself to stop moaning and I did.

*If I even thought about it for half a second I could think of about a million ways Guru has let me know inwardly and outwardly that he is VERY aware of me and my presence.